Lakis the minotaur, hairiest bull-man

Cousin of Minos, Lakis is known to be one of the hairiest minotaurs of his time. He was killed during the French Crusade, for not being able to side with either party. They tied him to a stick, threw butter-croissants at him, until one lodged itself in his nostril. Pigeons descended to eat it, and Lakis was soon shot by a pigeon hunter. His story will not be turned into a movie any time soon, but ironically, croissants and other French desserts where served at his funeral. Pigeon-hunting laws were established to prevent such accidents in the future.


Leonidas the minotaur of the Balkans

Leonidas the Bull-Man, brother of Minos and minotaur of the Balkans, he lived most of his life in a cave, until the massive spreading of the foxes was no longer a tale, but became reality. They invaded his hole, and Leonidas was forced to move to the city, searching a job as an accountant. No one noticed his 'special' features, and he died of old age in 1782. Much is speculated if his 'cow-legs' were a trait of birth or a result of plastic-surgery...


Bully-Lee the minotaur of the Himalayas

Bully-Lee lives in the Himalayan Mountains. Not related to Minos in any way, although they were pen pals for ten months. Their different life-style, made it impossible to exchange comprehensible jokes, so they gave up the communication. He has been sighted many times peeing in the outdoors, thus sparking the legend of the Yeti. He has been known to have uncontrollable peeing-urges when the temperatures drop. Nobody knows if he is still at large, climbers beware!


Monis the minotaur of Sicily

Monis, the Twin of Minos, often mistaken for him because the resemblance is so striking as you can see. The differences: one lives in Crete, the other in Sicily. Their temper differs, and Monis has a few handfuls of back hair that Minos is lacking. That back hair was said to bring luck and fertility to the one who could lick it. The natives of Sicily had caught on, and shaved Monis quite some times. He died from numerous razor cuts in the middle ages, when antiseptics were very rare.


Harilaos the young minotaur

Minos' younger brother, Harilaos, was even more neglected by his father, and has received no historical fame. We can assume he was an alcoholic, and often watched Woody Allen Movies alone. He sometimes reenacted the movies with sock puppets when sober. He probably managed to castrate himself to death.


Ploutopios the nude minotaur

Ploutopios is the rejected nephew of Minos. He is rarely invited to social minotaur gatherings, for he is known to walk in the nude, and be a close talker. He lived in the closet for quite some time, until his marriage to King Arthur, became a public affair. He is said to be the inspiration of Shakespeare's Juliet, and various Boy-Bands in the late 90's. He died during a sex change operation. His last words were: "Nuts. I'm going nuts I tell you. Don't hold this as my last words... don't..."


Leonardo DaVinci's: Learning a Minotaur From Top to Bottom

Sketched by the late Leonardo DaVinci and titled: "Learning a Minotaur from Top to Bottom". It is said to be his most cherished art piece, since he drew it on his death bed. Doctors gave him Asparagus seeds (strongest known anti-biotic of the time) in order to keep him alive long enough for him to complete his work. The story said he consumed 3 times his body weight of seeds, which also increased his sex drive, and Leonardo sprang his 4 last children during that night. As the diagram clearly indicates, the head of a Minotaur is 34% of his total stature. His waist-line is equal to his shoulder length, to support his massive bovinity. They like holding their fists tight, helping with their balance. Minotaurs use all their hair hormones to produce head-fur, thus lacking in other body hair. We see a similar phenomenon in humans when they reach puberty: Balding becomes an issue as hair migrates to other body parts. With Minotaurs, the hair always goes upwards. To learn more about body hair migration, click here.


Zeus dresses for Halloween

For all you fans out there, THIS IS NOT a Minotaur. It can easily trick the untrained eye. But US, "the professionals", can clearly see Zeus in disguise. This was used as proof, to support the Moo-Kazoo theory. Briefly, historians claim that Zeus attended a Halloween party in Johannesburg in 1991, dressed as his son Minos. He quickly became a contender to win the first price for best outfit (the price was a Persian castrated cat and a bottle of rum), until Hermes entered the room accidentally. He won for his disguise as a Hermaphrodite, but Hermes denied his participation in the party. Zeus, aggravated and bitter, threw the Persian cat from the top floor's window, believing it would land on its feet and escape. But instead it landed (on its feet) in Zeus' convertible BMW, and soaked the leather seats before Urine-Be-Gone was invented.
Our Friend TORO was there, and took a picture to commemorate the rare appearance of the thunder God.


Nicodemus the minotaur, artwork by TORO

Now for some tragedy: Nicodemus was the stage name of a well-known French Renaissance actor, dancer, all-around entertainer; he was in high demand for children parties, but refused to go, blaming their smell. His real name was Nico Demo Louvrien, and became famous for portraying the lead minotaur in famous plays such as: The Minotaur Silent Ballet, Planets of the Minotaur, A Cretan man turned Bull, and many others with worst titles. His cast got jealous because he was getting fan mail at a time when only 0.4% of the population knew how to write, so they put glue in his cow mask, thus making him a permanent Minotaur. This increased his popularity, and quickly he saw himself knighted in a few countries. He died from starvation in 1712, he refused to eat through the cow mask, for it was now loosing hair, and with every bite he was swallowing many fur-balls.
This rare painting of him is by the artist TORO (who might deny everything we just said about Nicodemus...)


Panos the minotaur, bull-man of Thessaly

Panos, the standing Bull-Man of Thessaly, was by far the most renown minotaur of the first age of mythology, back when Pan was fluting in the wild, and so was Zeus (replace "fluting" by "censored" and "wild" by "stables" to get the real story). At age 15, he purchased a mace, a mandatory acquisition to be considered an alpha-male, in order to skip the army service. Only a few meters out of the shop, he strategically held the mace to protect his sensibles, from perverted sculptors who wanted to get a "closer look". Unfortunately, each time he took a step, unexplained pain was recorded from his genital area. Thus, Panos decided to stop walking. He stood in the middle of the road, until death saved him from his ordeal... 75 years later (the locals kept feeding him by throwing rotten vegetables and insults towards him.) Of course, when he died, he stopped standing. He fell cold. Guess where the mace landed!


The maze of the minotaur, as historians refuse to admit it

This famous artwork represents what historians refuse to admit, in the myth of the minotaur. It clearly shows what the legendary labyrinth looked like, back in the days when Theseus dropped by to visit: Nothing more than a column in a middle of a square room. It is not that the maze was any complicated, protecting the minotaur from intruders, but the minotaur was very good at hiding, poking his head for a peak only when the human was not looking his way. Plenty of heroes lost hours before returning back home empty-handed, stating that there was no minotaur. But the observant eye, and nose, could clearly see the droppings left behind, proving his existence. This theory is accepted by the British Army, for they named their famous submarines "Minotaur", known for stealth. The Minotaur is thus the inventor of the Hide-And-Seek game, and many others such as Simon-Says and Lite-Brite.


The last living Minotaur

This is the only known living Minotaur in the modern times. He fronts the Band StormWarrior, which proves that nowadays, with the help of a make-up artist, even minotaurs can have a normal existence. He is said to be the shortest studied minotaur, his relation to Minos is not clear, but judging on appearance the experts categorize him as a Class-2B relative, meaning: A half-sister. He is the only Minotaur that didn't have an issue with wearing leather.

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